What am I supposed to be getting from this (31 weeks, 4 days)

I've been on bedrest 3 weeks now. Before all this happened, it was unimaginable to me that I would ever lay around and do so little for so long. It is completely contrary to my personality. I always have to-do lists upon to-do lists, always cramming every minute with productive activity, cleaning, working, running errands, cooking, etc. Tim and I actually had to make a list of summer things we wanted to do, things as simple as going on picnics and seeing a county fair, just because we never get to that kind of thing if we don't plan it and schedule it. I can see now how that kind of frantic activity really contributed to my anxiety level.

Even though we are facing a significant challenge right now, with all kinds of little sub-challenges that go with it, I feel more at peace than I have in a long time, owing largely to my time of enforced quietude. Frankly I am better able to trust God's will for this pregnancy and our daughter, whether she comes in 4 days or 4 weeks. I am able to be more present in my relationships with other people. There is this core of legalism in me that I am always fighting, this part of me that feels I need to do things with tangible results to earn... what exactly, I don't know. But it was awfully hard to let myself enjoy quietness at first because I wanted to label it as laziness, or as not contributing. Now I have started to learn to appreciate it, and I don't want to lose this beautiful stillness even after Helen comes and I have much more on my plate. I am forming a resolve to do a better job of keeping the Sabbath, which I have not done in a very conscientious way before.

Much more baby-related info to come tomorrow- I have a big doctor's appointment with some more testing to see if I'm likely to go into labor sooner or later...