This is why two can be easier than one...

My favorite part is the cheerio break in the middle.

Thinking about parenting in America

We parent just a little bit outside the mainstream, it seems. I've read that there are two schools of thought about being a parent, one that you fit your baby into your life, and the other that you fit your life around the baby. Of course it's not ever so black and white as that but we lean towards the latter as we don't do much scheduling and don't sleep train, and we cosleep with our babies, etc. I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, especially as we now have two kiddos and there is a little more method to the madness (as opposed to the just-survive-it perspective of the first time parent).

Americans place a very high value on independence and self-reliance. Think of the classic American archetype of the rugged cowboy who doesn't need anyone and doesn't let anyone tell him what to do. This is often reflected in our typicaly childrearing practices where there is a similar emphasis on training the child to become independent from an early age. You've heard of the expression that a parent's goal is to put themselves out of a job. I've seen this taken to the extreme of parenting books advising moms to put their infants in a playpen out of sight for half an hour per day so that the baby learns to play alone, or of course the more hard core versions of cry-it-out sleep training when you ignore a crying infant for long periods of time. Something seems out of proportion to me here.

Independence is of course a virtue but not a singular and unique virtue, and there is balance needed to an overemphasis on self reliance. This is because our basic orientation as human beings is actually dependent, as creatures of God's making. Our primary relationship with our Maker is one of total dependency. Not to mention the interdependency inherent to all important human relationships, marriage, fellowship among believers just to name a few. And frankly my own mom has not put herself out of a job yet as her two grown daughters still need her from time to time (reference last summer when she looked after me and my son for six weeks...). And to flip it around, I am sure that one day when I am old I will depend on my own children.

What I notice as George gets older is that I don't have to do much to encourage him in independence. He has the concepts of "mine" and "I do it" down all on his own. I find it harder, with a toddler, to teach him to allow help when he really needs it. This is a lesson Americans could surely use as we are so in fear of asking for help, of being in the way or inconveniencing others. In our parenting Tim and I try to balance encouraging independence, at a rate largely set by the developmental trajectory of the child, and offering help when needed. There is such blessing in allowing others to help you and we don't want our children to be overly inhibited about asking for assistance. So in sum, we tend not to let our kids cry too much, as we read that as the signal of a kid who can't quite handle the situation. Not that we always jump in and "do for" the child, and sometimes just a little frustration is good motivation for the child to figure something out, but we try to give what's needed, no more and- also- no less.

I hope we don't ever completely put ourselves out of a job.

(ps Sorry about the recent lack of pictures, we have a new camera and George is fascinated by it. Whenever we pull it out he wants to push the buttons and won't let us get a picture of him. We'll keeping working on it!)

Lost in Translation

George is getting new words at a fast and furious pace. However, his enuciation isn't keeping up with his vocabulary, so you really have to be a parent to know what he is talking about. Here are some examples:

hook = look
hit = sit
kuck = truck
kock = sock
car = car but also star
guck = stuck but gucky = yucky

(and my personal favorite)

kinky= stinky

Christmas!

We've recently returned from a long road trip visiting all sorts of relatives. The kiddos did pretty well in the car, fortunately. It was funny to hear George saying "no, no, shhh!" when Helen would cry. He definitely thinks of himself as the third parent in this family. Christmas was a big hit for him- he loved decorating cookies and opening presents. He was very bossy about the presents and had to distribute them and assist everyone else with opening.

It's good to be back home although George is a little manic from having had so many people pay so much attention to him, and Helen is apparently having a growth streak and nursing hourly. With that, I refer you again to the links to the right if you want more pix, and will hope to update more soon!

All is calm, all is bright

A Christmas miracle happened at our house last night. Our dear little daughter slept through the night, at only 9 weeks old!! I am sure many of you have heard us talk about the ordeal that was George's first year of life, how he did not sleep through until 12 months (and didn't start sleeping through consistently until 18 months), how he was impossible to put to sleep, would be up repeatedly in the night, screaming, wouldn't go back to sleep, we were complete zombies.

To say we were shocked this morning is to put it mildly.

I think a significant part of her success has to do with the fact that she has learned to suck her thumb, perhaps out of necessity:

Note: he HATED these things when he was her age!!

Kid stuff

Helen is just a super smiley baby. I can't overstate how happy she is. A very nice kind of baby to have around. She loves watching people and having little conversations. You just can't take her anywhere because she is always catching people's attention...

As for George, he has definitely been developing the toddler idiosyncrasies lately. He is very firm about wanting to wear his Crocs all the time. Of course we don't let him wear them out of the house now that it is cold, but he goes around wearing Crocs with socks most of the time (and may I add that he unfortunately pronounces "sock" as though it begins with a 'c'). Fashion police??

He's coming into his own as a little boy with an obsession with all things scatological. Umm, enough said on that point.

Letters and numbers are also a big thing but he gets very upset about 6 and 9, M and W, n and u being the inverse of each other. Just throws a fit sometimes when we correct him. He can't pronouce W yet so if he encounters one he will turn the book upside down and declare it an M.

My favorite development is that he has learned how to give Helen the pacifier when she gets upset in her swing- he can actually get it in her mouth properly which is a huge help if I am washing dishes and can't get over there right away. What a great big brother!

About work

I realized that I kind of left you hanging on the question of work... in fact I was offered the teaching position I interviewed for just days before miss Helen arrived. Unfortunately the schedule of the class I was offered was not a very good fit for me and I turned it down. In the end I am going to do something quite similar to what I did before, which is some part time work with PAR- my clinical job- and my consulting work on the side. I have been doing the consulting work as I am able, all along, and I actually started back with PAR last week, doing about 4-6 hours per week. In January I will step it up to 16-18, and one of our babysitters is going to nanny for us two half days a week. Tim does some, and the rest is work from home.

It feels okay but not ideal. To my surprise I found I quite liked being at home with George full time during the whole bedrest thing. I wish I could work a bit less but it's not an option just now. Actually I doubt that I would ever find a solution that feels "right" because I have a grass is always greener thing going on. When I leave the kids to go to work I feel kind of sad, then I enjoy actually being at work (I have a great, interesting, rewarding job), then I come home and have all the dishes and laundry piled up and it's a downer again. Actually the being-too-busy part is the hardest aspect of it, not so much the being-away-from-kids part as I don't work that many hours out of the home. I feel like I can't be as fully present with the kids as I want when I am home, because I have all the housework and the work from PAR that I do at home to take care of.

Note to self: next house must have (1) dishwasher and (2) first floor laundry.

Postscript: I really need to rename this blog! Although as a nursing mama I do still spend a fair amount of each day on the couch. Any ideas?